Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
