Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
