I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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