70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Drake has all the answers
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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