Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
