just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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