Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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