I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
