She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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