I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
