I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
