Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
