Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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