he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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