dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
