At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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