I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
