fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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