I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
