This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
