dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have aggressive nipples.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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