I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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