I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
