I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
