So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
