Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
