You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
