take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
