I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
