sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
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You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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