youre lurking in front of me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
