dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize