Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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