We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
