her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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