4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
