So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
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the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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