Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize