just tell him i said nine months
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
