So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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