Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
