Swine flu. Run for my life!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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