Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
