Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
