Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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