Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
