GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
