brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
