Me. At least after what I've been through.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
