I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
