i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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