somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
