I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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