God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
