Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize