Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
