we have pet lesbian snakes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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